Here is why I was so behind in my blogging:
These last 2 months have honestly been non stop craziness. It started off with Kylies Birthday, which took us right to Thanksgiving, then back home for me to receive a new calling in church... the 2nd counselor in the Relief Society Presidency over the activities. This meant I needed to help pull together the Christmas activity for the Relief Society. I then needed to help put together a photo slide show for the ward Christmas Party. During that week everyone in my family expect Tad and Saxon got the stomach flu which meant I was not only helping sick kids all day I was doing about 4 loads of Laundry a Day. If that wasnt enough I was also preparing to give a Talk in Sacrament meeting. As soon as the talk was over I was able to focus my efforts on Christmas gifts, shopping, and baking for those we love. I then was able to attend all of the kids Christmas parties and activities... which then leads us to the Christmas break which means 4 kids at home all day everyday. We played as a family and had a fun time but I had no free time. Christmas came and then New Years came and in between the holiday's I was preparing a Relief Society Lesson which I gave Jan 1st. Oh and did I mention... the waves where AMAZING. So of course, if I ever had a free moment it was not going to be blogging, I would be in the water.
Over all this crazy time I never want to forget lessons that I learned:
#1 I Love my Children and even though I get weird looks everyday and get the comment "you have your hands full" 100 times a day... I wouldn't want my life any other way. As I prepared my Sacrament talk I was instructed to read "Waiting upon the Lord" by Robert D Hales in the Oct 2011 General Conference talk. As I over and over again read this talk tears continued to flow down my cheeks and I I was reminded of what a miracle my family is and how much my Heavenly Father Loves me.
Here is part of my talk:
I grew up in a great family and was blessed with lots of good friends. At the young age of 18 I met Tad and fell in love. One year later we were married for time and all eternity in the San Diego Temple. Life was good and easy.
Tad and I moved into the Mormon manor in Huntington Beach. We enjoyed the Honeymoon stage, working, going to school, and having fun. Both of us graduated from College after being married for 3 years and decide that starting a family is the logical next step.
A year went by and no pregnancy. With no children, no real careers, and no schooling left to do we decide to move to Hawaii and live the dream. We found the surf and the sun but still no sign of pregnancy.
Sadness and concern began to creep into our hearts as our dreams of a family started to darken. Doctors, Consultations, Treatments, Injections, Bed rest, left us nothing but days full of tears, hearts broken, and the question “why” unanswered.
As I reflected on this time of my life I am filled with so much emotion. I opened up my journal and read some of my entries during that time. Oct. 3 2004, we were going to complete an Invitro Fertilization cycle (a very intense infertility treatment) I had asked Tad for a priesthood blessing and in the blessing I was told that
“The Lords ways are not our ways”
I quickly learned what that meant two weeks later we found out the Invitro Cycle was not successful and we were not pregnant. My heart shattered… the doctors had all been so positive and really had no explanation of why we could not get pregnant and yet with the most intense infertility treatment we still were not pregnant.
I could not give up. Feb 3 2005 I was getting the results of our second cycle of Invitro. I write; “I just got off the phone with the nurse from the infertility clinic and it was bad news once again the results were negative. I am so upset, angry, sad, and confused. I can’t understand why Heavenly Father allows me to suffer so much for so long when I feel my desires were righteous.”
At that point I was at a crossroads. I had two choices I could follow Satan by believing that Heavenly Father didn’t love me and didn’t trust me to be a mom and raise his children on this earth. Satan wanted me to be bitter, sad and miserable. Or I could wait upon the lord by trusting Heavenly Father and his plan for me.
What choice was I gong to make, I felt so helpless… I went visiting teaching and the message was about humility and how the only way that I was going to have the power to get through this experience is to be humble and to know that God is in Charge. I was so grateful that even though I was in a dark place in my life I still choose to go visiting teaching. This message was so powerful to me I knew that I was not going to listen to Satan, my choice to wait upon the Lord.
I soon felt as if I was the most blessed person on this earth.
I felt like I was at school and Heavenly Father was giving me this super hard test but yet giving me a cheat sheet right in front of me and an teachers aid to help me when I needed extra help.
All the basic principles of the gospel became my cheat sheet through my test.
As I prayed I knew that Heavenly Father was listening to my prayers and I could feel his love.
As I read the scriptures I was being directed to read exactly what I needed to read at that time.
As I attended the temple I would feel the peace and comfort that I needed.
As I attended church I would be blessed to listen to talks and lessons that I felt were directly for me and as I partook of the sacrament I became closer to my Savior.
As I was in the fertile land of Hawaii with every women around me pregnant I felt so alone and yet I gained a eternal relationship with my savior as I knew that he knew what I was feeling and I could rely on him.
I truly felt the words of the Hymn know that my redeemer lives: In the 2nd verse it states: He lives to comfort me when faint. He lives to hear my souls complaint, He lives to silence all my fears, He lives to wipe away my tears, He lives to calm my troubled heart he lives all blessings to impart.
I love my Savior.
Priesthood blessings, Patriarchal blessings, Friends, and Family were also all tender mercies from my loving Heavenly Father during this hard time,
My faith was being tested, my character was being molded, and my testimonies strengthened. Through my years of trials I was becoming the person my Heavenly Father needed me to be.
We moved back to California to start “real life”. We bought our first home in Huntington Beach. After 5 years of trying to get pregnant and our 3rd unsuccessful IVF cycles, we felt a strong impression to explore adoption.
We contacted the LDS family services and within 6 weeks we were approved for adoption. Two weeks later, we received the call that would change our lives forever. There was a birth mom who was 9 months pregnant with a little boy and has chosen us to be his parents.
January 2007 our son Saxon was born. We walked into the hospital room where our little boy was laying in his little bassinet and our spirits rejoiced. Through the spirit of the Holy Ghost we knew he was our son and meant to come to our family at that time.
Saxon turned 1 and we were once again eligible to start the adoption process. We were approved and shortly after, we received another phone call that a birth mom wanted to meet us. We instantly felt a connection to her. Once again our prayers were answered. We were thrilled to be blessed with another miracle from our Heavenly Father.
As we anxiously awaited the arrival of our second son Micah and I started to feel nauseous and tired. Pregnancy was almost completely ruled out due to the past 6 years of infertility, until the pregnancy test was finally taken and the results were positive.
Our question of “why we couldn’t get pregnant” was now answered. Heavenly Father had a special and unique plan for our little family. The doctors were all right… we should technically be able to get pregnant. However as I learned early on in my infertility stages Heavenly Father’s ways are not always our ways.
We put our trust in Heavenly Father and his plan for us and he in turn blessed us in ways we could never have imagined. Our second son Micah was born August 2008 and our 3rd son Dane was born January 2009.
When Dane turned 1 we once again had a huge surprise as we found out once again we were pregnant. November 2010 Kylie was born. Our little princess had arrived.
Within 3 years and 9 months our 4 children were born and our family of 2 quickly became a family of 6. They all came to our family in different ways and circumstances but we know they all came from our Heavenly Father to our family at the time they were meant to come.
I am so grateful for my trials and the strong testimony that I gained from it.
Robert D Hales states;
Every one of us is more beloved to the Lord than we can possibly understand or imagine. Let us therefore be kinder to one another and kinder toward ourselves. Let us remember that as we wait upon the Lord, we are becoming “saint[s] through [His] atonement, … submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon [us], even as a child doth submit to his father.” Mosiah 3:19
I know this to be true.
Heavenly Father and Jesus live and love us and have a special plan for each one of us, specific to our needs. I am so grateful for his plan for me.
#2 Heavenly Father doesn't give us anything we can't handle.
When the Bishop called to be in the Relief Society Presidency I cried. I do not have the talent or the time for that calling... i just didn't think I could do that. Saxon was in preschool MWF until March because of a computer error he didn't get enrolled in the last session of preschool. Micah was in preschool two days a week for 3 hours. Dane and Micah have playgroup 2 days for a couple hours but I always would have some kids with me and for most of the time I would have at least 3. So time was something I did not have. But I said yes to the calling having faith that some how I could accomplish the things I needed to accomplish.
Then the phone call came. Micah got into speech! This is a huge blessing... Micah needed this so bad and now he is in... and it is at our home school. The time conflicted with his old school so we changed him to Saxon's school which will work out perfectly. Then a second phone call came. Saxon got into the extended k program. This year the cut off was one day before Saxon's birthday so he didnt get into the class but they decided to add another class and Saxon got in! This is huge! He was originally going to go to a neighboring school but then a Third phone call came asking if we wanted Saxon to go to our home school! I could not believe it... in a couple weeks he will be going to school everyday for 5 hours a day. Micah will be busy with Preschool, speech, and playgroup all week long. Dane will have playgroup a couple days a week. And Kylie and I will have time to get somethings accomplished. I really have felt the Lords Hands in my life.
I am grateful everyday for the gospel and the knowledge that Heavenly Father knows me and loves me.